You Didn’t Choose Me, So I’m Finally Choosing Myself

“I Will Choose Myself”

You know, I always thought I could make it work.

I thought I could be the one who would fix everything.

Maybe it’s my nature, always trying to patch up holes in things,

believing that if I just gave a little more, tried a little harder,

I could turn everything around.

But now, I'm standing here, feeling it all slip away,

realizing something I never thought I'd have to admit.

I’m not the one who should be fixing this.

Because fixing it means breaking myself down into pieces.

It means giving parts of me I don’t have left to give,

until there’s nothing but an empty shell.

I can’t keep doing that. I can’t keep trying to fix something

that was never built for me in the first place.

I wanted to believe in you.

I wanted to believe in us.

But the truth is, you’re just like them.

You’re just like the ones who never chose me.

The ones who never looked at me

and saw someone worth standing up for.

You tell me you care,

but actions, my love, actions speak louder than words.

And your actions said something else.

I know, I can hear what you’re thinking—

you’re probably saying it’s not your fault,

that I’m just overreacting, that I’m imagining things,

that I should let it all go.

But the thing is, I’m done imagining.

I’m done pretending.

I can’t keep waiting for someone to see me,

waiting for someone to choose me,

when they never really do.

You were supposed to be different.

You were supposed to be the one who finally got it.

But all I’ve seen is the same old story.

I thought, maybe this time,

maybe with you, it would be different,

but it’s not.

I gave you everything I could.

I believed in you when no one else did.

I thought we could build something,

something real, something lasting,

but you didn’t see me like I saw you.

You didn’t care for me like I cared for you.

And that’s when it hit me—

I can’t be the only one giving.

I can’t keep stretching myself thin

and hoping you’ll catch up.

And the hardest part?

It’s not even that you let me down.

It’s that I let myself down.

I let myself believe in something that wasn’t meant for me.

I convinced myself I could fix what wasn’t mine to fix.

I thought that by giving and giving,

maybe I would get something in return.

But instead, I only gave away pieces of myself

until there was nothing left to give.

I can’t do this anymore.

I won’t do this anymore.

I won’t keep trying to hold onto something

that is only tearing me apart.

I’ve been living in this constant cycle of hope

and disappointment,

and I’m tired.

I’m tired of thinking that if I just hold on a little longer,

things will change.

I’m tired of waiting for something that will never come.

I’m tired of putting everyone else’s needs above my own,

thinking that if I just care enough,

if I just love enough,

it’ll make all the difference.

But it doesn’t.

It never does.

And I’m tired.

So here’s the thing,

I’m choosing myself now.

I’m choosing the parts of me that I forgot existed.

I’m choosing the girl who once believed she was worth something,

the girl who thought she could be loved without conditions.

I’m choosing the woman who no longer needs someone else

to define her worth.

I don’t need your validation.

I don’t need your approval.

I don’t need your promises.

I only need me.

And I need me more than I need anything else.

I can’t keep sacrificing my happiness,

my peace, my soul,

just for the chance that maybe one day,

you’ll see me the way I see you.

Maybe one day, you’ll choose me

the way I chose you.

But I can’t wait anymore.

I can’t wait for something that will never come.

I am enough on my own.

And if I’m not, then I will be.

I will fight for me,

because I am all I have.

I will stand by my side,

even when it feels like no one else will.

I will choose me,

every time.

I know this might sound harsh,

but it’s the truth.

And the truth has always been something

I’ve had trouble accepting,

because it’s easier to lie to myself,

to pretend that I don’t see the cracks.

But now?

Now I see everything clearly.

And I can’t keep pretending.

You don’t get to have all of me anymore.

I’m taking myself back.

Every little piece.

And I’m not apologizing for it.

I’ll be fine on my own.

I’ll build something better for myself,

something stronger,

something that I can be proud of.

I’ll find the love I’m looking for,

but it won’t come from someone else.

It’ll come from me.

So, no, I won’t ever look back.

I won’t ever give you the chance to hurt me again.

And I won’t ever allow myself to shrink

just so you can feel comfortable.

I will not be that girl anymore.

I won’t live in a story that isn’t mine.

This is my time now.

And I will make it count.

I will choose me.

And I will love myself enough to know

I don’t need anyone’s approval

to be whole.

This is my decision.

This is my life.

And I’m no longer asking for permission.