WHAT IS LOVE TO ME

 Love ..... what is actually love ???..... 

To me, love is something where u will find yourself in them 

All I know Is that love is not for me cause whenever I try to love someone they will go away from me from my life I don't why that happens everyytime cause if I start saying things from the past then the 1st one to leave me is my doggy yeah you heard that right. So lemme tell u all stories 

I was 1 when we had a stray dog named LALU. He was middle-aged, with golden brown hair, and energetic, overall he was beautiful and charming. We kept him on the balcony or rooftop I don't remember that but I remember he was my great companion. There are still some memories of him in my mind. When I used to eat he was always with me and looking at him I used to eat kinda fast enough and my leftover food was given to him and of course extra too 😅😅. Then we started growing up one day he started barking and a woman came to our house and said Lalu bite her 🙄🙄. Listening to her my father and his so-called brothers decided to send him away. So they took him to Barrackpore by bike and maybe the next day he came home and I was so happy 😊 that my friend came home hurry !! 

But after a week they took him to Sodepur maybe I didn't remember 😕 by train and he never came back 😞😞  I was missing him 😔 then what Nothing 😐😐

That year my brother was born. 2006 27 July at 12.30 pm in Biraj Mohini Matri Sadan Hospital I was born in the same hospital so my mummy thought that I would be Biraj and  my brother as Mohan but I was named Bandana which means prayer, salute, bright star, praise, and my brother was named Ramkrishna I don't think it needs any meaning 

So I was pretty happy 😊  

You can see it my happiness knows no bounds when 1st time  I took him in my lap it was heaven. Life is full of twists we don't know what will happen next moment or in the upcoming days so if you love someone speak it up and show that they are important to you they matter you need them they are the greatest thing that happened to you. It's simple man if u can't do it then what can u expect from life rather than disappointment and suffering. Life does give us chances but sometimes it won't, If you are getting it man grab it and show what you can actually do. 

I lost my brother on 9 May 2018, in Bengaluru at 11 pm maybe we Don't know the exact time but it was approx 11. I wish I could change it but I can't. life gave us 2nd chance but we can't utilize it proper manner and see what we lost a live person from that day I actually understand the value of time life and love but then when we returned to Kolkata I was so depressed that I was seeking shelter in someone else heart 😒😒 I DON'T KNOW THAT'S something I can't express. I was in class 9 at that time and lots of people judged me for being like That means I used to talk to lots of boys mostly on fb and Bengali medium students of our school my classmates literally treated me like a slut seriously and teachers too why ??? Cause I wasn't acting normal I used to talk to boys and just because I got 9th  as I'd not given 1st term exam or maybe people were Jealous who knows  ........ 

There are some teachers whom I am ashamed to call my guru my teachers cause they Don't deserve that title. OK YOU TELL ME WHAT U CAN ACTUALLY DESERVE FROM A TEACHER WHEN HE IS INSULTING OTHER TEACHERS IN FRONT OF STUDENTS WHAT YOU CAN REALLY EXPECT FROM THEM ... Man I am great I just need to say that I'm too good if u will compare and I'm proud and vocal about it yeah you can judge me but did you walked the path wearing my shoes think about it

There are teachers whom I respected a lot till now they are in my heart ASIS SIR (OUR LIBERIAN SIR ) he always helped me a lot MANASHI MAN BENGALI TEACHER MADHUSUDHAN SIR, APARAJITA MAM SUSANTA SIR MATH TEACHER JOITA MISS BIO TEACHER KAUSHIK SIR, BAISAKHI MISS GEOGRAPHY TEACHER JANG SIR AM I forgetting someone else 🤔🤔 maybe no. They are fav and I literally respect them from the core of my ♥  They made my student life amazing seriously. I am glad that I got them as my teachers they shaped my life in a better way they helped me a lot. 

In class 10 I got 606 out of 700 and they were proud of it Someone was like Hain how did she get that. Or maybe I am the wrong one I don't know I shouldn't judge anyone but their actions made me that way. I do wanna change the school but couldn't cause of Corona 🙃🙃 and after having exams I opened insta and fb total new account and there I got a boy named AMAN PANDEY and we talked for a month and his friend ARVIND and I got into a relationship 😅😅 bad right but he was cheating on me and I understand that and I left and when me and arv talked it felt great like we can be forever together and I told him everything about past about what type of boy I wanted everything every detail of myself cause I want it to be real I don't know WHy but I felt something which I never felt in my life time till now I never had that feeling 🙂🙂 

So I thought he would open up too and take him seriously who knows that he was joking in 1st place cause I had told him 100 times I was serious about this but then he understood later that I was serious I was real I really loved him and with all ups and downs we were together for 3 years and 9 months without touching without seeing each other in real life. Oh Man, it was so real but now we separated maybe great for both. He got his peaceful life and I got me again maybe not I still think about how can I cope with it so fast. He was great I am great too. 

Now let's embrace ourselves again, discovering ourselves again, but I don't wanna be in love nhhhh it's a waste of time, mental exhaustion, self-doubts omg lot more... IT'S BEST TO BE SINGLE AND HAPPIER CAUSE NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER THAN YOURSELF AND SOMEONE ELSE DO THEN DUDE GO GRAB THEM SHOW THEM LOVE THEM NEVER LET THEM GO. TILL THEN BEING SINGLE WOULD BE GREAT RATHER THAN KEEPING TEMPORARY THINGS IT'S BETTER TO WAIT FOR PERMANENT ONES. 

Discover yourself and understand what you like and don't. keep working on yourself to be the best for you and it's okay if it takes time it's okay if you are hurt it's okay to be a failure but what's not okay is to stick to that same thing which is hurting you leave it, not changing self be adaptable if you can't fit in a situation or thing then change it life is too limited for stuff like that. You need to understand what's wrong and what's right even if you aren't able to understand now always try to keep trying hard and be easy on self forgive self. Remember your 5 years self does they dear these if no then skip make them happy why do you wanna hide your inner child let them be free and the world will be different for you ohh come on people will think you are crazy so what are they giving you money for your expenditure no right then why do u need to care about others .......... 

BE YOURSELF BE TRUE TO YOURSELF BE KIND AND GENTLE TO SELF TREAT THEM  THE WAY THEY DESERVE TO BE TREATED WHY ALWAYS ASK SOMEONE ELSE WHEN YOU CAN BUY YOURSELF FLOWERS GIFTS 🍫 AND GIVE A SURPRISE BY TAKING A LONG DRIVE ALONE OR GOING TO YOUR FAVORITE PLACE YOU CAN DO THAT RIGHT... 

I KNOW IT'S IMPORTANT TOO TO HAVE A PARTNER BUT WHY SETTLE FOR LESS AND TEMPORARY ONES. BE THE BEST FOR SELF, YOU ARE YOU DON'T FORGET THAT. THEN ONE DAY YOU WILL GET YOUR SHIV TOO .... WHO WILL WAIT FOR YOU FOREVER WILL WORK FOR YOU HE WILL UNDERSTAND YOU AND WILL SHOW HIS TRUE SELF BUT YOU NEED TO BE HIS UMA TOO .... COMING BACK TO HIM AGAIN LOVING HIM CARING HIM. NEVER BE ASHAMED OF YOUR LIFE PARTNER FOR WHO THEY ARE KEEP PROTECTING KEEP LOVING AND FORGET ABOUT OTHERS AND SOCIETY'S NORMS AND REGULATIONS WHO CARES... AT LEAST I DON'T 😝😝 

UNTIL THEN BE YOUR PARTNER IN CRIME LOVE YOURSELF AND BE FREE ..... MAKE YOURSELF PROUD AND ENJOY LIFE.